Alex Balk

Futilitarian
Feb 05
Permalink

Life is sweet.

Universal Pictures is sweet on “Candy Land.”

Studio has set Etan Cohen to write and Kevin Lima to direct a live-action feature based on the enduring Hasbro board game.


INT. HUT- DAY

Living room of a hut in Molasses Swamp. CAMERA FACES across the room to the view of the swamp. Entrance door to one side. An overflowing bag of goodies is on the coffee table. Two GINGERBREAD PEOPLE sit on the sofa, watching TV.

The door opens and GRAMMA NUTT enters, followed by MR. MINT. The GINGERBREAD PEOPLE immediately rise and switch off the TV.


MR. MINT
(to the GINGERBREAD PEOPLE)
Take a walk.

The GINGERBREAD PEOPLE leave the room as GRAMMA NUTT crosses to stand between US and the view, followed by MR. MINT, neither looking out. GRAMMA NUTT turns to MR. MINT, who abruptly punches her hard in the stomach. She falls to the floor.

ANOTHER ANGLE as MR. MINT steps across her and goes over to close the drapes over the view. GRAMMA NUTT sits up, watching him, waiting obediently. MR. MINT looks at her.


MR. MINT (cont’d)
Get me a bath towel.

She gets up, hurting, and hurries to the bathroom. MR. MINT sits on the sofa, crosses his ankles on the coffee table next to the goodie bag. He takes out and lights a chocolate cigar. GRAMMA NUTT comes back with a large white bath towel.

MR. MINT (cont’d)
You ever hear about the gumdrops?

GRAMMA NUTT
You mean, the sugar scam?

MR. MINT
Tell me about the gumdrops, Gramma.

He kicks over the goodie bag. Gumdrops roll on the floor.

MR. MINT (cont’d)
While you put those in the towel.

GRAMMA NUTT’s very scared. She drops to her knees, spreads the towel, crawls around gathering gumdrops while she talks.

GRAMMA NUTT
You hit a person with the gumdrops
in the towel, they get big, awful
looking bruises, but they don’t
really get hurt, not if you do it
right. It’s for working scams
against the candy companies.

MR. MINT
And if you do it wrong?

GRAMMA NUTT
It can louse up your insides. You
can get puh, puh, puh…

MR. MINT
(impatient)
What’s that, Gramma?

GRAMMA NUTT pauses, bent over, tightly holding a gigantic gumdrop.

GRAMMA NUTT
Permanent damage.

MR. MINT
You’ll shit Sour Patch Kids for
the rest of your life. Your anus
will pucker right up every time.

He gets to his feet, leaving his cigar in an ashtray.

MR. MINT (cont’d)
(hard, impatient)
Bring me the towel.


[Via]