This is what my life's like now.
A.J.: Alex. Hello. A.J. Daulerio here. I have a story idea that I wanted to run past you. That is part of your official duties, yes?
BALK: Yes indeed
A.J.: Sweet.
A.J.: Now, bear with me here. This gets a little messy.
A.J.: Anyway. Have you ever heard of Hawaiian butterfish and the orange shits it causes some unsuspecting diners?
BALK: I have not, but I’m not surprised that this would be your pitch.
A.J.: Thank you.
A.J.: Anyway. So, I love this fish, greatest tasting fish I’ve ever eaten. I’ve had it a couple times in restaurants without any problems.
A.J.: This past weekend? I buy some at DiBruno brothers – very reputable Italian place — and take it home and cook it.
A.J.: Now, mind you, we had a couple of friends who had eaten some at a restaurant and talked about their uncontrollable orange-oily shits they got due to eating it.
A.J.: Nonsense!, I thought.
A.J.: So, I eat some this weekend.
A.J.: And, pow. I’m stricken. In fact, it is beyond all comprehension of what went on. I actually had to stuff napkins down my pants in the middle of Target because I was leaking so bad.
A.J.: So, I do some research, standard googling for, you know, “Butterfish + anal leakage”.
A.J.: Lots of people.
A.J.: Hundreds, even.
A.J.: So, I tell my co-worker about what happened. He passes it along to the local radio djs at WMMR here and they talk about it all day.
A.J.: Their phone lines lit up.
A.J.: So many horror stories about this Butterfish and the horrible orangey shit mess it’s cause for people.
A.J.: Yet? Still served in restaurants without any disclaimers or anything.
A.J.: And in stores.
BALK: You’re pitching me a story about a fish that makes you shit orange?
A.J.: I am. Yes, I am.
A.J.: I think the word needs to get out there.
BALK: You’re trying to get on my tumblr, aren’t you?
A.J.: I am not.
A.J.: Dude, I’m telling you, it’s one of these things that has happened to sooo many people, yet they’re afraid to talk about it.
A.J.: I’ll talk to doctors, fishmongers, proctologists, whomever. I have personal anecdotes!
BALK: How quickly can you turn it around?
A.J.: Tuesday.
BALK: Okay. Scatology level low to medium pls.
A.J.: Only words used in medical books.
BALK: Talk to me Monday and let me know where you’re at.
A.J.: Will do.
