Alex Balk

Futilitarian
Nov 18
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Nov 06
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Oct 31
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Guys, Siri sounds sad.

Oct 30
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What’s that you say? Time to get off the Internet for the day? Don’t mind if I do!

What’s that you say? Time to get off the Internet for the day? Don’t mind if I do!

Oct 29
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I love all of my alt-text readers, but special good wishes go out to this one.

I love all of my alt-text readers, but special good wishes go out to this one.

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Twitter is definitely trying to warn us about the coming Kidder Tyranny, but I bet we all go about our day thinking it can’t happen here.

Twitter is definitely trying to warn us about the coming Kidder Tyranny, but I bet we all go about our day thinking it can’t happen here.

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A frightening vision of the three entities which will be running our future.

A frightening vision of the three entities which will be running our future.

Oct 28
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Somebody get me an MP3 of this please thanks.

Somebody get me an MP3 of this please thanks.

Oct 25
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Another year.

I took a taxi last night and instead of turning off the tiny TV I hit the mute button by accident and figured, oh, what the hell, I’m gonna be back here a bit, I might as well watch the weather. Well I sat through a bunch of crap and then got distracted by whatever was happening outside the windows and when I turned back to the screen I just caught the last couple seconds of (I think? I can’t keep track of them anymore.) Lee Goldberg pointing at numbers and little cloud logos, but you know how each day in the weather report has a brief written description with it, like “Nice and bright” or “Brrr” or whatever? The last day on the 5-day was this coming Tuesday, which was billed as “Quiet Anniversary.” So at first I was like, fuck, is it September already, which is disturbing for any number of reasons not least of which being that it pretty clearly just WAS September and apparently my mind is no longer storing anything that happened subsequent to 2009. But then I was like, Don’t be an idiot, obviously it is past September, you are shivering because of your idiot refusal to wear a coat until it gets into the 40s, which means it is at least October, and plus you cannot go one goddamn block in this town without seeing at least three pop-up Halloween stores, which means it must not be October 31st yet. (You didn’t think you were going to get a tour of my process of deduction and yet HERE WE ARE. You’re welcome.) Anyway, I finally figured it out and now I’ve got that stupid “stronger than the storm” jingle running through my head and really, are we gonna make this a THING from now on or is it just a one-off? Because I will give you September 11 or Sandy, but not both. There’s such a tiny range of room remaining in my brain for things to remember, I don’t want to waste an inch on another annual commemoration of a bad day. So pick one and get back to me, I’ll put it on my calendar.

Oct 24
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Five years ago today.

Five years ago today.

Oct 23
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Oct 22
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This Is Why I Never Say “We’re A Tech Company”

I did something to my fucking computer where the cursor for no reason goes back to the middle of whatever line I’m typing and now I will just have to live with it until I somehow undo it again, whenever that is. That is both a metaphor for my life and the actuality of it at present. Feel better about yourself now? Because you should.

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Time To Die

YOUNG PERSON: Are you going to see [Nico Mulhy’s Two Boys]? It’s about the Internet, kinda!

ME: I already LIVE the internet, I don’t need to spend 3 hours hearing people sing about it.

YOUNG PERSON: But it’s 2001 Internet. Your heyday, no?

Oct 16
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Fuck you, my website.

Fuck you, my website.

Oct 07
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