Due to years of practice and what seem to be gigantic lungs,...
Mar 31st
My ever-developing management skills.
Me, just now, in re tomorrow’s billboard: “Eh, this is fine, I don’t give a shit...
Mar 31st
Grading on a curve. Apparently, Zimbabwe is Africa’s...
Mar 31st
Okay, fine, I’ll admit it. Audrey Tautou is attractive...
Mar 31st
I knew it couldn’t just be the stirring oratory and...
Mar 31st
He's old, I tells ya.
U.S. Sen. Frank Lautenberg, (D-N.J.) plans to make it official today: He is running for re-election....
Mar 31st
Remember that one time Liz Phair made a...
Dave Matthews is as fond of the nineties as you’d expect.
Mar 31st
This actually came from the current issue; the only thing we...
Mar 31st
Mar 31st
More like ass-teroid. Because, you know, Sodom? They did a...
Mar 31st
Ouch.
“The staff of Newsweek will shrink dramatically, after 111 staffers on its news and business...
Mar 30th
Missed opportunities.
Somewhere on Long Island right now Rick Lazio is slapping himself on the forehead and thinking,...
Mar 30th
U.K.: "You gonna finish that?"
England expects that every woman will have a big booty.
Mar 30th
Watch
Okay, Internet, you and I are done for the day. Hopefully.
Mar 29th
Take Up Thy Stethoscope and Walk
“I’m told #7 Stop-Loss opened to only $1.6 million Friday from just 1,291 plays and...
Mar 29th
I woke up this morning thinking this was...
“Me And Coolio Down By The Schoolyard.” What can I say, I was born too late. Or too...
Mar 29th
O.G.
Then-assistant/now fancy-pants star agent Kate Lee web-trolled me way the hell back in 2003 and she...
Mar 29th
I don't even know where to start with...
“Surrogate agencies target the population by dropping leaflets in the mailboxes of military...
Mar 29th
Why yes, I did watch a lot of YouTube...
While the affirmation of diverse racial and body types inherent to this composition has been...
Mar 29th
Mar 29th
And that thing with the gorilla was...
Isn’t it time that we give Phil Collins his cool card? The horror that was “Another Day in...
Mar 29th
You need to hear this.
Hey ladies: you know how your boyfriends are always bugging you with music? Insisting that you sit...
Mar 29th
“Fuck him! He’s a piece of shit! Shove it up his ass...”
— Former New York governor Eliot...
— Former New York governor Eliot...
Mar 29th
Watch
So many varieties of awesome I am at a loss for words.
Mar 28th
Watch
Don’t let the greatness of the video obscure how phenomenal the song is.
Mar 28th
Disturbingly, I am vastly more familiar with the Poison...
Mar 28th
If you're scoring at home...
I opted for “piss.” Will keep you updated on the water front should any developments...
Mar 28th
I can't decide whether to piss or drink...
Seriously, that’s not some folksy idiom or anything. Wracked with torpor and indecision today....
Mar 28th
J. Co can’t admit that she’s crying on the...
Mar 28th
David Cho, intellectual
Mar 28th
You mean they're not the same?
Quiz: Barack Obama or Jesus Christ?
Mar 28th
“Here we go again. Ya know, every time you get some famous black talking it’s racism...
Mar 28th
"Let me put your mother on."
I thought about starting a website called “Phone Calls From Your Dad,” but then I...
Mar 27th
Killer Confesses
Mar 27th
If Tim Burton is Catholic I expect his dreams look a lot...
Mar 27th
Here's the messiah you've been waiting...
In the last couple of days the following quotes have been brought to my attention: • “Where...
Mar 27th
Viva Hate.
We don’t get K-Ray to write enough items, which is a shame: His kickers are classic.
Mar 27th
A note on the previous post.
It was done under duress. Apologies. But let’s be honest, we’re talking about someone...
Mar 27th
Listen
davidcho:
David Cho - ‘99 Problems’ I lost a bet to Balk and now I have to post an mp3 of myself...
Mar 27th
I’m a little testy today.
Mar 27th
I won the second semester date rape...
When Neel filed this post it contained the following paragraph, which I had to remove Asked for...
Mar 27th
The Human Cost.
“Less than 48 hours after news broke that Bear Stearns & Co. Inc. would be bought for a...
Mar 27th
So, says Gov. Paterson: “I’m put in the Executive Bedroom. Roosevelt slept in it....
Mar 27th
Shocked, shocked.
Honestly, did anyone really think Eliot Spitzer was a one-hooker kind of guy?
Mar 27th
To Hate Like This Is to Be Happy Forever
“As many of you know, I truly despise those ugly, flying sacks of pure shit known as...
Mar 27th
Mar 27th
“You see zat hote peez of ess over zare? Ze mah-dell?...
Mar 27th
Anything jump out at you here?
Mar 27th
I still believe in a place called Hope,...
I know we’re all tired of the primaries, and I’m certainly tired of all the wails of...
Mar 27th
Bash & Pop
What I find most objectionable about Jose Canseco is the way he tries to make every baseball fan...
Mar 27th
"I suck. I'm sorry. I probably wasn't...
George Lucas sounds kind of beat down.
Mar 26th
Stuff Dead People Like
“Brains.”
Mar 26th
There's another Doree Shafrir classic in...
It’s so her! And it totally inspired me!
Mar 26th
I'm less forgiving about the "Gray's...
I’ve been in one of my “off periods” for music lately: haven’t really...
Mar 26th
Stewdio 54
We’ve got a surprisingly good Q&A with Stew of The Negro Project today...
Mar 26th
Ooh, I know, I know! "Magic!" It's...
“What really happens is that the economy grows more vigorously when you lower tax rates,” said Kevin...
Mar 26th
If you still need to convince voters that you aren’t...
Mar 25th
Old man hates blacks.
WASHINGTON - Former Sen. George McGovern, the 1972 Democratic presidential...
Mar 25th
If this means she's going to box Paula...
Democratic Party Official: Clinton Pursuing ‘The Tonya Harding Option’
Mar 25th
Typo humor is the lamest form of humor there is.
Mar 25th
Hypothesis: No photo exists that is less flattering to...
Mar 25th
More David Paterson confessions.
• Shot a man in Reno just to not watch him die. • Left a big doody in George Pataki’s private...
Mar 25th
Word to her.
Doree’s next project will be a tumblog full of people describing the many adorable ways their...
Mar 25th
Sloane Crosley, incompetent slut.
You know, if you wait around long enough you can probably read all of I Was Told There’d Be...
Mar 25th
"Dammit, Barack, why didn't you LISTEN...
“It’s been more than a month since I began warning Sen. Barack Obama that he would...
Mar 25th
“Fuck you, Spitzer, I’ll show you a sex...
Mar 25th
And sometimes he even got to drink from...
“OBAMA’S PASTOR RAISED IN PRIVILEGE, NOT POVERTY How do I know? It happens that, as a...
Mar 25th
Nice kicker.
This is why she’s one of the best.
Mar 25th
Tech support.
For whatever reason I can no longer upload music to my tumblr. This, I think you’ll agree, is...
Mar 25th
I doubt this would have even merited a...
Don’t you miss the days when “lulu” was Albanyspeak for extra money slipped to lawmakers — it was...
Mar 25th
And now he's dead.
Crash and Burns are absolutely vile, but to an 18-year-old who didn’t know any better they...
Mar 25th
Scenes from the continuing crisis.
So I show up at the office this morning with my massive stack of newspapers and gigantic-ass bottle...
Mar 25th
Nothing is unwritten.
As is the case with the rest of the world, it’s Hills week at Radar. Here’s Spencer...
Mar 25th
Dicker: “I don’t care, we’re gonna keep...
Mar 25th
OMG YOU GUYS!?
They don’t pay me enough. I mean, they didn’t before, but no.
Mar 25th
I saw this out of the corner of my eye when I was flipping...
Mar 25th
I don’t know how serious Tyler is about this, but me?...
Mar 24th
Holy shit.
Hillbama is Tim Meadows in drag. [Via]
Mar 24th
“Pressed about race on a Philly radio sports show, where he...”
— Maureen Dowd does an amazing...
— Maureen Dowd does an amazing...
Mar 24th
So does she look exactly like her mom or like Steffi Graf?...
Mar 24th
Me and my friends go a mighty long way.
From: [Friend] Date: Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:48:12 -0400 To: Alex Balk Subject: Advice on how you...
Mar 24th
"The Hills" Drinking Game
The only thing I had to do with this was the title, which I think is a pretty clear sign that the...
Mar 24th
More Die of Heartbreak
A co-worker sent me this story on Friday with the subject line “What is this world coming...
Mar 24th
Everybody's happy nowadays.
“Over the last several decades, we’ve done pretty well in overcoming racial barriers and...
Mar 24th
He is risen.
TONY: I remember when he was born, I would hold him in my arms. He was an adorable kid, too. Big...
Mar 24th
"Hey, let's fuck with the blind guy!"
At his swearing-in ceremony last week, Gov. David A. Paterson introduced Attorney General Andrew M....
Mar 24th
Today, for the first time I can remember, I missed working...
Mar 21st
At eight bucks a pack, why is this surprising? Who the hell...
Mar 21st
I think it’s a great thing that we have a governor for...
Mar 21st
This is probably a little over the...
but I can’t decide what offends me more, the bad writing or the sense of entitlement. This is...
Mar 21st
Branding opportunity.
Knish: The Jew Empanada!
Mar 21st
Off I go to kill Paige.
You know how when a particularly shocking YouTube video goes around an office you can tell...
Mar 21st
If Bob Barr runs for president the nation will be forced the...
Mar 21st
Deep Six
Nice take on the shuttering of Page Six.com by Doree Shafrir. UNRELATED: Doree is a geek.
Mar 21st
Modern Problems
From: Co-worker Date: Fri, 21 Mar 2008 10:09:40 -0400 To: Alex Balk Subject: This is the worst...
Mar 21st
Choire Sicha is terribly lonely.
I mean, that’s the only rational explanation, right?
Mar 21st
"The Plot To Shatter Balk's Sanity"...
8:18 A.M. Radar offices: One staffer. Floor above: An assload of construction workers, or...
Mar 21st
My folks are barely 60 and I still have...
An elderly man has killed himself by programming a robot to shoot him in the head after building the...
Mar 20th
"Bonzo, you're drunk!" "Jimmy, I may be...
Someone should do a “what if” type thing where classic rock acts did skits on record like hip hop...
Mar 20th
This is all LIES. I am very interested in the “Hide...
Mar 20th
Director's Cut
I had a line in here wondering why we couldn’t tell how big their asses were, but I decided it...
Mar 20th
More proof for my longstanding "Dave...
HARP: You’re a married man now with a beautiful two-year-old daughter. What do family values mean...
Mar 20th
How bad do you have to be to get kicked out of Australia?
Mar 20th
I knew I should have held off on choosing a headline of the...
Mar 20th
I don’t have a birthday coming up anytime soon, but if...
Mar 20th
It’s rare that Nick Denton lets you see his friendly,...
Mar 20th
Come on. There’s not a single person out there whose...
Mar 20th
Do note that "Balk" is surprisingly...
You people say you love me, where the fuck is my theme song?
Mar 20th
Hitting a wall.
The seemingly endless font of inspiration that brought this morning’s Agitated Vag (which is...
Mar 20th
Construction update.
Now it sounds like someone upstairs is ripping the world’s longest fart. At first it’s...
Mar 20th
Fuck, are you saying I've got another...
Sorry to be the party pooper, but otherwise The Reaper would not be doing its job. Congratulations...
Mar 20th
There is so much richness in here it's...
The most-read story in the Blackpool Gazette when I went online just now was “Man threw...
Mar 20th
This is what happens when you turn a...
“In the criminal justice system of television’s “Law & Order,” the plots are derived from...
Mar 20th
The inspiration today, it just never...
Agitated Vag Crestfallen Cunt Disconsolate Twat Sally and the Weepy Snatches
Mar 20th
Related to previous:
The Depressed Vaginas would be a good band name. Also Mikey and the Asseaters.
Mar 20th
Now that I think about it, My Cock has seemed a little down...
Mar 20th
Great Moments in Journalism
Hillary Was in White House on ‘Stained Blue Dress’ Day ...
Mar 19th
My Cock, ASME-nominated profile subject.
The Gawker.com editors stand mostly to the side, in a cool-kid clique. Although they may in some...
Mar 19th
And it's over.
Fake Nick Denton rips off real Nick Denton.
Mar 19th
Thanks to Laura for pointing out that I missed today’s...
Mar 19th
Seriously, my head HURTS.
They’ve been doing construction on the floor above the Radar offices for a good month now, and...
Mar 19th
It's things like this that really make...
“’He wants the authentic black image but he also wants to keep all his safe, suburban...
Mar 19th
“The quicker you come to New York, the faster you’re just...
Mar 19th
Let this be a lesson: here is what the New York Post will do...
Mar 19th
Overheard in New York
Guy talking to another guy on the platform of the Union Square 4/5/6. Sadly, the train pulled in...
Mar 19th
It could have been worse.
Mar 19th
What did you do at work today?
Mar 18th
"even the lesbians were crying."
Barack Obama’s Race Speech Receives Coveted “I Want To Blow You” Endorsement
Mar 18th
Mar 18th
Call me a sucker...
but I think the Obama speech is pretty great. Granted, I haven’t heard the delivery yet.
Mar 18th
But what of the happy crane toll? How come we never hear...
Mar 18th
I'm OLD, a continuing series
•YEAR: ‘94 •TRUNK: Raw •REAR-VIEW MIRROR: Motherfuckin’ law. They should do more...
Mar 18th
Goddamn motherfucking cocksuckers.
I was thirty seconds away from going to bed.
Mar 18th
Super Handjob Mario
I was talking to Blagg on Friday and he had some funny idea for a game for the Wii, which inspired...
Mar 18th
In the wake of the disaster that is Jezebel James it seems...
Mar 17th
Matt Cooper proves once again that he is...
Why is Barack Obama giving a major speech on race tomorrow? I confess I...
Mar 17th
East Bound and Down.
At the risk of shattering your illusions about my massive popularity and and social gadabout ways, I...
Mar 17th
"Mine was anal!"
The narcissism of enormous differences
Mar 17th
"Big job, whatever. I mean, hell, look...
President Bush called David A. Paterson, the governor-designate, just before 9 a.m. today to wish...
Mar 17th
Great Moments in Journalism
Mar 17th
What Do Jew Know From Funny, Ya...
Sam Gross, who is responsible for one of the funniest cartoons of all time (to my mind, at least;...
Mar 17th
Arrogance is also a common vice in...
That may seem unfair to a candidate who’s running against Clinton, the former first lady who...
Mar 17th
Seriously, hasn’t this felt like the longest week...
Mar 14th
This juxtaposition is probably totally unfair to Amy, so...
Mar 14th
OMG, he's an AMERICAN HERO
McCain Travels Amtrak Like Everyone Else You know who else travels Amtrak?...
Mar 14th
Fair enough. I’m going to bed. Tomorrow’s got to...
Mar 14th
The final, undeniable, incontrovertible truth that I am,...
Mar 14th
"Yo, Rock Star, Come On Over Here And Do...
Joe Francis Says He Was a ‘Rock Star’ in Prison
Mar 14th
This, via Em, is hysterical, but once again reminds me of...
Mar 13th
For the record.
Over at Gawker, Alex Pareene’s got a post expressing amazement at the fact that the Times has pretty...
Mar 13th
The answer is usually yes, so I don't...
but is Paige being a dick to me here? Because, if so, man, I am SO not inviting her downstairs to...
Mar 13th
Marketing suggestion.
Ashley Alexandra Dupré should start branding herself as “the hooker so nice she blew him...
Mar 13th
Uh, what the fuck was THAT?
Sorry. The previous post was a guest submission from my friend Joe Giganticpussy. Won’t happen...
Mar 13th
Men's Needs, Women's Needs, Whatever
The late, legendary television programmer Brandon Tartikoff used to tell a story about a famous...
Mar 13th
"You see, Sally, if you blow a dude you...
Judy Kuriansky, a professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University Teachers College, said...
Mar 13th
Free "ideas."
I was joking yesterday about how everything I put on the tumblr should be considered public domain,...
Mar 13th
Cho, on Ashley Alexandra Dupré
Mar 13th
Great Moments in Journalism.
“It’s clear Dupre’s role in New York’s largest modern political scandal...
Mar 13th
Flashback.
Someone reminded me of this just now. Hard to believe we were ever that young.
Mar 13th
The Crying Game
I’m getting a little tired of seeing that anecdote about how Eliot Spitzer’s dad (and...
Mar 13th
I'm sorry, there's just something about...
Lauren Goldstein Crowe and portfolio.com are parting ways — so what does that mean for fashion...
Mar 13th
I did COME to this job with high...
Whatever. I suppose we can make an argument that it’s a service piece. I wanted to call this...
Mar 13th
An American Tragedy
Naturally there’s going to continue to be a lot of discussion over Spitzer’s legacy and...
Mar 13th
Been around the track a few times.
Now that he has resumed his rightful position as New York state’s most indictable pol, Joe...
Mar 13th
Eyes on The Peys.
Andrea Peyser once yelled at me because I called her menopausal. In retrospect, it was probably a...
Mar 13th
In New York, even the career-destroying prostitutes are...
Mar 13th
The Paper of Record.
On the Web page is a recording of what she describes as her latest track, “What We Want,” a...
Mar 13th
Some days it's hard to conceal my...
Like today.
Mar 12th
I always have to laugh when people deny that the British are...
Mar 12th
Consider this the first day of my campaign to bring back the...
Mar 12th
Spitzer: "As I leave public life, I will...
to WHORES.
Mar 12th
Spitzer: "There is much more to be...
Yeah, to WHORES.
Mar 12th
Spitzer: "I have been given much."
Yeah, by WHORES.
Mar 12th
Actually, this is a clear sign that I...
But what’s the word for “state” in that context? Our long stational nightmare? Am...
Mar 12th
Yes, the Daily Mail sees the irony, and no, they don’t...
Mar 12th
Whew.
Can’t get enough Spitzer? You can now.
Mar 12th
How amazing is it that I'm already tired...
Sometimes we hear a little more than we’re comfortable reporting on Radar, so let me give you some...
Mar 11th
In fact, the Post notes that the gov “has been...
Mar 11th
Viva Jo Moore.
Larry Craig files appeal in mens’ room sex sting
Mar 11th
Neither Barold nor Bawrence.
Last week I asked what the nickname “Barry” was short for. Finally, thanks to these...
Mar 11th
“What? Someone under the podium sucking me off? Oh,...
Mar 11th
Hear, hear! It's high time someone stood...
David Axelrod called on Hillary Clinton’s campaign to firmly rebuke Geraldine Ferraro for...
Mar 11th
Uh, okay, I’ll give it a go… The Spitzer sex scandal could...
Mar 11th
“Perhaps a little buckshot to the face will make you...
Mar 11th
Thank God nothing else is happening in...
Danny Hakim reported from Albany and William K. Rashbaum from New York City. Reporting for this and...
Mar 11th
"Hey, listen, I want to say sorry for...
“Mr. Fox considers Governor Spitzer a close friend and is distressed by the news that has...
Mar 11th
If I Wrote The Tabloid Headlines
(Note: Would be funnier if...
Mar 11th
Governor Hobagger, Day Two
Expert: “I’m sure he wanted anal sex without condoms.”
Mar 11th
The big question.
Does his dad make him pay the loan back now?
Mar 11th
If only.
“What the governor doesn’t like are pussies…”
Mar 11th
Holy shit. OMFG. IT GOES THAT DEEP.
Looks like Karl Rove made Eliot Spitzer hire that whore and Michael Chertoff held it to guide it in!...
Mar 11th
Enough Spitzer.
I love that there’s an instrument called the Jew’s harp. But what about the rest of the...
Mar 11th
I'm the fund-raising buddy, I'm kinda...
I’m the Quaker theologian, what do I care, I’m long dead.
Mar 10th
Someone is probably registering...
Noelle: “how long till “client 9” reaches “ground zero”-like levels of...
Mar 10th
This is the proudest I've ever been of a...
And I’m siiiick!
Mar 10th
Expect that number to rise a little bit.
Mar 10th
I was thinking of you the whole time!
Mags: oh my GOD Mags: Tamika! BALK: ROCHELLE! BALK: love it Mags: “He said he would look...
Mar 10th
Awkward
Yeah, that is kinda inconvenient.
Mar 10th
I stand corrected.
The man described as Client 9 in court papers arranged to meet with a prostitute who was part of...
Mar 10th
The two angriest people in New York...
Female: Silda Wall Spitzer Male: Fred U. Dicker
Mar 10th
Client 9 From Outer Space
BALK: I’m just upset as a New York state resident. The Albany whores aren’t good enough...
Mar 10th
A question of emphasis.
Apparently, when the governor said “I’m a fucking steamroller,” we should have...
Mar 10th
America's number one name in news.
DUMBASS CNN LADY: “As someone who had prosecuted prostitution rings in the past, you would...
Mar 10th
Connecticut Gov. Jodi Rell: "I am a...
I mean, it couldn’t get any weirder in the Tri-State area, could it?
Mar 10th
Underneath the covers with the lights...
I’ve been sick as fuck all weekend, so don’t expect much from me today, but...
Mar 10th
Life, as is its inevitable wont, imitates Beastie Boys...
Mar 10th
Seriously, it's enough.
What is the nickname “Barry” short for? Bawrence? Barold? I cannot for the life of me...
Mar 7th
Bow before my Photoshop mastery.
Do it. Bow!
Mar 7th
A Defense of Dov Charney
When Claire filed the piece it contained the line “I knew what the ads looked like but the...
Mar 7th
Daily Mail headlines really are a world unto themselves
Mar 7th
Speak, Memory.
“The mayor of an Arkansas town resigned on Wednesday, claiming he was abducted and brainwashed...
Mar 7th
In the fifties it would have taken a team of artists weeks...
Mar 7th
Shafrir: the quiet one.
Uh, the answer is clearly Doree. She was the George Harrison of that particular band. Making Em, I...
Mar 7th
Watch
Owen thinks the vocals here owe a giant debt to Dale Bozzio of Missing Persons. I hear a more...
Mar 7th
It goes like this: the fourth, the...
Was a time something like this would cause me a great deal of agony, but now that I ache in the...
Mar 7th
Memoir of My Nervous Illness
Mar 6th
Yeah, yeah, we’ve all seen Obama speak.
Mar 6th
You ever spend your whole day working on...
Because I have! The Dave Price thing is pretty great. So Broadcast News.
Mar 6th
"'The Emerald Piper,' that's our hell....
“The song has been covered by everyone from Sinead O’Connor to Willie Nelson. To the...
Mar 6th
Heard on the street.
“In fact, in meetings between marketing representatives of the Journal and News Corp.,...
Mar 5th
Old man rambles on about politics.
I’m of two minds on yesterday’s primary results: I understand that all the Obama...
Mar 5th
She also use to think that Arthur...
Doree, discussing the latest bullshit memoir revelations, takes issue with Nan Talese’s...
Mar 5th
A Look Round The Estate.
During one of the more boring parts of last night’s ceremony Tina Fey leaned over to me and...
Mar 5th
It's boring as fuck and long as shit...
but it’s still better than anything on Kingdom Come.
Mar 4th
Mar 4th
If Nick Denton wrote "Ulysses" this...
Reliably obtuse, Cathy Horyn, has surpassed herself this time.
Mar 4th
As someone who is partially of the Hebraic persuasion, I can...
Mar 4th
Also, I am the worst interviewer ever....
The story formerly known as “retard babies” is now online.
Mar 4th
Caucus? Clinton? Campaign? I don’t get it. What other...
Mar 4th
Spitzer, Eliot, aversion to vaginas of
“What the governor doesn’t like are pussies, and Joe is definitely not a pussy.”
Mar 4th
Please explain to me why THIS isn't the...
“Over the course of three years, Ms. McGrath, who is the daughter of Charles McGrath, a writer...
Mar 4th
Speaking of Doree, it’s nice to know that success...
Mar 3rd
This one's for Doree.
Whether or not this turns out to be true, get ready to see some Internet justice in action. ...
Mar 3rd
This is how I try to cure the hiccups too.
Mar 3rd
“As the pressures on journalism have increased, so the PR...”
— John Lanchester Related
— John Lanchester Related
Mar 3rd
Apparently the lesson here is that drinking will turn you...
Mar 3rd