Alex Balk
2009
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January
2008
December
November
October
September
August
July
June
May
April
March
February
January
I'm pretty sure I like this.
Even so, it makes me feel INCREDIBLY FUCKING OLD that we’ve now reached the point in the cycle...
Jan 31st
Hot dogs.
Hot dogs: even kids with chicken pox love them. And in a world filled with uncertainty and turmoil,...
Jan 29th
Lispy cunt?
I mean, that’s what I would have gone with.
Jan 29th
Holy shit this is good.
And I’m an old man. Imagine how much the kids are going to love it.
Jan 29th
Asking the important questions.
“Sorry, but just to clarify, you’re on the record saying that Nick Denton is a real son...
Jan 29th
Hulk smash.
Jan 29th
He's a fool in the rain. Fortunately,...
Writers Guild Will Allow Striking Members to Work on Grammy Awards
Jan 29th
The other America.
I’m sure it’s nice enough and that the people who live there enjoy the same hopes,...
Jan 29th
I'd rather be dead.
I’m about to enjoy the majesty of rail travel to a C-list American city. Expect a remarkably...
Jan 28th
We’ll teach them about capitalization later.
Jan 28th
And though I have the gift of prophecy,...
“THE mayor. If he jumps, it’s next month. For now it’s still 50/50. A crap shoot....
Jan 28th
I’m trying to think of a worse headline than this, but...
Jan 28th
“The internet has so vastly increased the potency of urban...”
— Hilary Mantel
Jan 28th
Woke up this morning, got yourself a...
So for whatever reason, the thought occurred to me today: Why isn’t anyone shaking down the web...
Jan 28th
That reminds me of a joke.
A well dressed lady is walking into Zabar’s when a homeless man lying at her feet says,...
Jan 27th
Paul Dergarabedian's got nothing on me.
“More like Ram-NO.” “More like Ram-BLOW.” “More like...
Jan 27th
The super-rich are just as ignorant and...
“Perot was pleasantly surprised when I told him that Obama was a Christian, not a Muslim, and...
Jan 27th
Legacies.
I’m pretty sure that when I’m in the autumn of my years and looking back upon my life’s work to...
Jan 27th
Is this something I’m just noticing now, or has the...
Jan 27th
Coming around.
I’ve mocked them in the past, but, okay, I can finally see how there’s something loopily endearing...
Jan 27th
The MOST blowjobs!
Back in late October we were tossing around ideas for features and it occurred to me that if...
Jan 27th
"I hope no one sees us and writes about...
“HUMA Abedin, the traveling aide who is rarely out of Hillary Rodham Clinton’s sight, has been...
Jan 27th
Thank God I left Gawker, a continuing...
“This is the tall, terrific Alex Kuczynski, a looker who recently gave up her blond-bombshell...
Jan 27th
How do you really feel?
The NYT Styles is a riot of stupidity today—Hollywood is fascinated by psychiatrists! Old woman...
Jan 27th
Dept. of Imperfect/Insensitive Analogies
John Edwards is that guy at the bar who—knowing he’s gonna catch hell from the wife for...
Jan 27th
You're not missing much, pal.
“Even with his low housing costs, Mr. Kiely rents fewer DVDs, borrows books from the library...
Jan 27th
I too would like to learn how to bang...
“All my life, people have told me that my father changed their lives, that they got involved...
Jan 27th
How the pros do it.
People Magazine has confirmed our On the Scene report:...
Jan 27th
But then again, too few to mention.
Sometimes I wish I hadn’t given up on a tumblr solely based on making fun of Doree so easily.
Jan 26th
People are using their remote controls...
“While everyone keeps waiting for interactive TV to arrive, it may have already snuck into...
Jan 25th
I have NO IDEA.
New from Google: gKid! You already store all your personal information with us; why not have your...
Jan 25th
Yes.
I haven’t either.
Jan 25th
Do I really need to read something that...
No I do not.
Jan 25th
Oh no, I've been TUMBLING...
“Right now I’m following 35 people. Most of those people know how to use Tumblr responsibly...
Jan 25th
Often in error, never in doubt.
You have absolutely no idea how relieved I am that this happened.
Jan 25th
Libby Copeland draws the shortest straw.
“BOCA RATON, Fla. — The best place to meet the Floridians who could save Rudy...
Jan 25th
"Hey, Ma, so long as you're running down...
“Carla Bruni, an Italian-born supermodel turned singer, has been making headlines around the...
Jan 25th
The platonic ideal of a Daily Mail...
Revealed: How Romanian pickpocket gangs are building palaces back home with child slave labour
Jan 25th
Truer words, etc.
Black People Knows How to Party
Jan 25th
Admit it, you miss the Cock.
So long as we’re talking about the nineties—and we are—it seems to me that Madonna never got...
Jan 25th
Isn't there anyone around David Simon...
Because, seriously, shut the fuck up.
Jan 24th
Hey! It's your tomorrow!
For whatever reason I woke up this morning with an idea for a McSweeneysesque list of “cutting...
Jan 24th
Jan 24th
On beyond meta.
BALK: You know what is amusing me? BALK: You’re masseuse obsession. doree: haahahahaha doree:...
Jan 24th
Never mind the fact that it doesn't even...
“MAYBE the jingle should go, ‘Roto-Rooter, that’s the name, and away goes Artie...
Jan 24th
I think this is the kind of joke I'm...
Instead, I suggested it. My bad.
Jan 24th
Oooh, oooh, oooh, pick me, I know!...
“While Giants quarterback Eli Manning was home dissecting game tape, Tom Brady spent 24...
Jan 24th
Share bride failing star.
Some of them are, you know. Good night.
Jan 23rd
Old man record reviews, cont'd.
I don’t like the new Destroyer as much as I did the last four.
Jan 23rd
Great moments in journalism.
Oh. The humanity.
Jan 23rd
1 P.M. and no alums post yet? WTF...
So tired. It almost feels like I’m working two jobs.
Jan 23rd
George Michael, muse.
Under the incredibly classy headline “Do you really need another £200 meal, porky...
Jan 23rd
There's a little part of me that's still...
How about you? Read this article and count how many times you can see the word “nipple”...
Jan 23rd
Again with the fucking dog.
“The first cocktails—a champagne drink in classic and anise flavors—were downed quickly, and...
Jan 23rd
It’s tough all over.
Jan 23rd
If you look very closely you can...
Cho: dead heath ledger? BALK: so the rumor goes! BALK: I would go light on promoting that one. Cho:...
Jan 22nd
Jim Behrle channels my childhood.
Jim Behrle to me show details 2:31 PM (41 minutes ago) Reply this made me think of you for some...
Jan 22nd
Sadly, this leaves Michelle Obama as the...
Fred Thompson drops out.
Jan 22nd
Since "Whip-Smart," actually.
“Can I say that no man has ever broken my heart like Liz Phair has the past few years?”
Jan 22nd
Yet somehow Lieutenant Flaccid Penis...
Gen. Butt Naked Confesses to Killing 20,000
Jan 22nd
Every blog post ever.
But this is the first time I’ve tumbld it, so it counts for something, right? OMG, so busy...
Jan 22nd
“Fell sleep on bus on way to event. Woke up find Robert Novak...”
— Ana Marie Cox
Jan 18th
Jan 18th
Eating dust.
You know how in every friendship there’s that unspoken tension where each person measures...
Jan 18th
Of course back then we didn't know that...
In re Debbie Gibson, I remember when her first record came out and she was getting a lot of press,...
Jan 18th
Great moments in sports journalism.
“While on the Dan Patrick radio show, former Dallas Cowboy wide receiver and ESPN analyst...
Jan 18th
Thank God I'm already a Boar Hunter...
“RETAIL behemoth Wal-Mart is tossing more than 1,000 magazines from the racks in its stores,...
Jan 18th
Christopher Hitchens has never heard of...
“I recall thinking, when Geraldine Ferraro became the first woman on a major-party ticket in...
Jan 18th
This image released by Golfweek magazine shows the cover of...
Jan 18th
Dept. of Troubling Analogies
“New York can cultivate the arts as an industry sector for the same reason that Detroit can...
Jan 18th
Sense of duty.
First thing I think when I wake up in the morning is, “Jeez, what material am I going to give...
Jan 18th
Consigliere
David Chase should get the cast and crew of The Sopranos together to film a one-hour episode that...
Jan 18th
Isn't it rich?
The New York Sun assails the Clintons for stoking baseless fears of anti-Semitism. There needs to be...
Jan 18th
While we're on the subject.
The Independent runs yet another one of those “my drinks horror” pieces. It’s...
Jan 18th
There stands the glass.
Estimating conservatively, I’ve been drinking quantities large enough to make their impact...
Jan 18th
He even makes you too lazy to come up...
Jack Black, star of my all-time favorite Mr. Show sketch, has made some shitty, shitty movies in his...
Jan 18th
BREAKING ALEXBALK.TUMBLR.COM EXCLUSIVE
Jessica Coen has updated her blog! And she’s talking about dump-taking among female...
Jan 17th
Everyone's a comedian.
Denver Paper Catches ‘Off-Color’ Obama Joke — Apology Offered
Jan 17th
Signs it might be time to pull the plug.
Cho: your blog is the new balthazar BALK: That’s a terrible thing to say.
Jan 17th
Taylor Hicks fans convince me of their...
“What is most shocking is that you would even attempt to write an article about it.So what is...
Jan 17th
Some things you never get rid of.
Julia Allison: BALKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BALK: Yesm? Julia...
Jan 17th
Advice from a friend.
“Take it easy on yourself. I worry. Your mind is beyond frenetic. I want to catch it and...
Jan 17th
When I get to hell...
they’re going to hand me a stack of Project Runway recaps and say, “Here, why...
Jan 17th
This is how it happens.
BALK: FINGERING? Chris: it was added at the last minute Chris: replacement? BALK: “putting...
Jan 17th
Deontology
Mathew Ingram stumbles upon the question which has vexed philosophers since the dawn of time: Is...
Jan 17th
Noted expert lauds new talent.
“Doree is one of the top writers in New York, and she did wonderful things with this profile...
Jan 17th
Paint it black.
A Greeley businessman apologized Wednesday after a joke about Illinois Sen. Barack Obama fell flat...
Jan 17th
8 million British tit fans can't be...
Challenged by a female peer who suggested there were millions of women offended by page three, Wade...
Jan 17th
Seriously, $486 million is worth any...
In his upcoming Alfred A. Knopf book, “The Pixar Touch: The Making of a Company,” David...
Jan 17th
Promotion.
If the first thing you think about when you hear of a site called Money, Cash, Hos is, “Jesus...
Jan 16th
Phew, those bad men are gone!
Okay, clearly Denton and his army of Dentonites are NOT splicing this thing, so I no longer need to...
Jan 16th
On further reflection.
Actually, you know what, that’s not bad at all. Tomorrow marks a brand new day at Radar, a new...
Jan 16th
For anyone at Radar who wants to know why I’m not...
Jan 16th
More co-worker fallout.
From: Paige Ferrari Sent: Wed 1/16/2008 6:26 PM To: Alex Balk; David Cho Subject: Really,...
Jan 16th
"Spliced in" my ass.
But on the off chance that it does work, you know where to go.
Jan 16th
Nick Denton loves Radar.
And even if you’re not a British new media emperor, you will too! Visit Radar today!
Jan 16th
How I first heard the news.
Jan 16th
Added value.
Check out Radar! Now with more Tionna Smalls!
Jan 16th
Why are you here?
When you could be reading Radar?
Jan 16th
You know what's a great website?
Radar!
Jan 16th
Things are looking up!
I just got an e-mail informing me that “2008 is the year you unleash your newfound large...
Jan 16th
Your revised rankings.
Boston has just shot up to number three on my most-hated bands list, narrowly edging out Kansas....
Jan 16th
"Cool the Engines" has mercifully ended.
I’m sorry I even brought it up.
Jan 16th
"Cool the Engines" is STILL PLAYING.
If there were ever a Zen koan that asked, “What is the sound of a teenage boy jerking...
Jan 16th
Corrections: For the record.
I just hunted down “Cool the Engines” on YouTube, and, actually? NO.
Jan 16th
Speaking of classic rock.
I was in a cab last night and the radio was playing “More Than a Feeling,” which is...
Jan 16th
I'm kinda bummed Mitt Romney won...
Because you know if he had come in second or third his next move would have been to convert.
Jan 16th
I've seen the future, brother, it is...
“The media company of the future will think differently. It will take a cue from its...
Jan 16th
Pitching in.
We’re short-handed over at Radar today, so I’ll be writing a couple of items, which...
Jan 16th
I worry for the future.
Just wondering: How the hell are today’s kids going to learn to hate classic rock if...
Jan 16th
Trends of which I was heretofore...
Bumper Nuts. This is the Black Tuxedo Nuts model. Here’s the promotional copy: “SHOW...
Jan 16th
Google is no help.
Is it really possible that no one has ever made the joke “Men seldom make passes at girls with...
Jan 16th
Because what the world needs is more...
“I posted a photo of my dog and then a video of my dog (videos are hosted by Vimeo, which was...
Jan 16th
Hopes and dreams.
I’ve been enjoying this whole tumblr thing, but there’s so much about it I still...
Jan 15th
Packing it on.
I’ve put on some weight since I started here. I blame it on the fact that you need to take the...
Jan 15th
The co-workers discover me.
CHO: one blog wasnt enough for you ? CHO: you needed two? BALK: Hahahaha. CHO: IF YOU DIDNT...
Jan 15th
It's an epidemic.
Everyone’s blogging again.
Jan 15th
Sometimes I write stuff.
I wasn’t really sure about this; it’s not exactly RADARy and people might get the wrong...
Jan 15th
I don’t know why it took me so long to get around to...
Jan 15th
The Hummer, A Look Back
You know, I got a blowjob ten years ago too, where’s the article about me? Especially when you...
Jan 15th
Miracle on Crosby Street
OMG, it’s like Macy’s telling Gimbel’s.
Jan 15th
Word association.
The reasons for it are fairly obvious, but whenever someone says the words “big black...
Jan 15th
Also his cover of "Keep the Car Running"...
We’re so inundated with media and celebrity these days that we arrive at everything...
Jan 15th
Best reaction so far on Corey...
“OMG! I wish Halloween was next week! SO EASY!”
Jan 15th
Classic cart and horse problem.
A couple of paragraphs into this examination of the problems facing the newspaper industry, Hugh...
Jan 15th
Quel dommage!
“French president Nicolas Sarkozy and his reported new wife Carla Bruni are planning a...
Jan 15th
Problem drinker, part two.
“Take the following test, developed by the World Health Organisation. To calculate your score...
Jan 15th
Problem drinker.
I’ve been drinking two liters of green tea five days a week for the last year and a half. My...
Jan 15th
Why didn’t Kucinich think of this?
Jan 15th
SO MUCH AWESOME
Corey Worthington, Legend
Jan 15th
Fine, take away my cool card.
I’ve given it a month and I’m still not crazy about the new Magnetic Fields. And I liked...
Jan 15th
England, Their England.
An actor who played a character in an award-winning BBC children’s television show claims he...
Jan 15th
Two people you don't want to think about...
Tony Blair ‘flirted with Diana’ at party
Jan 15th
In my next life I want to be Mandy...
Because, really, how hard could it be? Also, I’ve always wanted to be taller.
Jan 15th
Yeah, right after he finished reading...
“At the deep level, in other words, Lucy Dawidowicz, who had become quite conservative in her...
Jan 15th
Every time the government jacks up the...
Or a fat guy has a stroke. Something like that.
Jan 15th
For the last goddamn time, read Achewood, okay?
Jan 14th
Crazy Ana
If you know Ana Marie Cox, you know that there’s some barely-below-the-surface subconscious...
Jan 14th
Black People: They're Just Like Us!
You know why? Because they’re people. Ya fuckin’ racist.
Jan 14th
If I were a monkey who had taught...
“The radio transmission—a staccato burst suggesting U.S. Navy ships were targeted for...
Jan 14th
Overruled.
The general consensus seems to be that hiring a palm reader to read the lines in Hillary...
Jan 14th
Great MOments in Journalism.
“For a long time, I wanted to write a profile of the designer Tom Ford—and I realized the only...
Jan 14th
But what of "cuntrag"?
Balk: Oh God, everything I say to you now is going to wind up on your goddamn tumblr, isn’t...
Jan 14th
You know what's cooler than bein' cool?
Ice cold, ya big fuckin’ dummy. Where the hell have you been the last five years?
Jan 13th
Admit it.
You just totally googled “shvantz,” didn’t you?
Jan 13th
Uh, yeah.
Thank God someone with a vagina said this, because it’s a lot more effective than it would...
Jan 13th
Signs of the forthcoming apocalypse.
“The Bucket List, the tale of two cancer patients who decide to travel the world before they...
Jan 13th
Cultural studies.
So I have this theory—and by “theory” I mean “something I thought about for two minutes but since I...
Jan 13th
It's not exactly like performing a...
Recent e-mail from a friend: “you’re blogging!” Why does it feel like...
Jan 13th
The mists of history.
I’m pretty sure that, at some point in the ’80s, I smoked pot in this basement. Is...
Jan 13th
I hate the Patriots.
But I suppose, if they go all the way, it’ll be funny to see Tom Brady have as many rings as...
Jan 13th
“All of you who want to defend the culture of narcissism and...”
— Choire Sicha
Jan 13th
You know that secret part of your heart...
Let it go, it’s only holding you back.
Jan 11th
I’ve said a lot of mean things about...
But whatever, get over it.
Jan 11th
In the neighborhood.
Radar’s offices are in the nebulous space between Turtle Bay and Tudor City, better known to those...
Jan 11th
Life lessons.
When people ask me what the most valuable thing I learned at Gawker was, I tell them it’s that...
Jan 11th
Campaign Strategy.
The Clintons should know this better than anyone, so I can’t understand why they haven’t...
Jan 11th
Nick Denton.
People ask me if Nick Denton is as mean in real life as everyone says he is. I tell them no, because...
Jan 11th
Never mind.
I just coughed really hard and now everything’s okay again. Way to send mixed messages, body!
Jan 11th
A little out of shape.
I was just downstairs having a cigarette. I inhaled and managed to pull something on my side. Yes,...
Jan 11th
Finally.
A place where I can say mean things about Doree Shafrir without anyone knowing. No, I’ve never...
Jan 11th